In trying to write this assignment, it has been surprisingly hard for me. Not in the sense that I am fearful of what other may say or judge my writing, but more that I don't fully understand the concept of what is being disclosed to me via the self concept disclosure, the Johari Window and what Brene research has shown.
I have always had a very grounded sense of who I am and what I wish to convey to others regardless of my circumstance or individuals around me. I mean what I say and I say what I mean. I am an open book to those who ask, without fear of what they will perceive me to be or not be. Their judgements have not had an effect on me. Using the word vulnerable, is a rough concept, as I would never had described that as what I think open communication is. I don't feel vulnerable when sharing anything about my past, my wishes for my future or the desires of my heart.
In retrospect, even in elementary school I was very confident and out going, but more importantly accepting of others regardless of their life situations, circumstance, and doubts I had and still have no reason to judge another person. I am often someone that helps lift others to see their values and have continued to do so through out my life. I feel that because I have a firm foundation of who I am, it helps others feel at ease around me and make connections, through compassion and understanding. I don't see it as courage to share experiences about ones life, because we all have one, where we've come from, and where it is taking us. My compassion comes from sharing those experiences with others, through relating what we have been through as human beings.
If we look at the different panes; open, blind, hidden, and unknown, of the Johari Window. My largest one is openness. If we move to the blind pane, it is very rare that someone will bring something to my attention that I didn't already realize about myself. This is not to make me sound prideful or egotistical, but rather that I am aware of what I am portraying to others, either positive or negatively. Some mistake this as me hiding something to present myself in such a way that I think I want others to see me, and that couldn't be further from the truth.
Do I have things in my hidden pane that I have yet to disclose to someone, I'm sure there are, but recently I had an amazing break though in regards to the 'one' thing that I have always kept hidden only because no one had ever thought to ask. In speaking with someone who has now become a very close friend, it came up in a question that was posed. I guess this is the only time that I can relate to being vulnerable, but since the question was posed, I had no reason not to answer, I shared my deepest, truest thought in the matter. Even though I have always looked at it as a positive. It has been so inspiring since sharing that one thought. I have been at complete peace with myself and have a greater trust and respect from this friend for choosing to see my thought and interpretation about my life as being a positive as well.
The rest of my thoughts now lay within the unknown, and honestly I can't wait to find out what lies in there.
Although Brene's research has brought up so many beautiful insights in regards to enlightenment of oneself and what we need to do to find it. I wish I could be more empathetic to the thought process. I have always felt worthy of love, whether I've received it or not, I see no courage in what I say or do in putting myself out there because I do not fear what people have to say or think about me or my thought process. I understand now what it may take for some and they do have the courage that she speaks of. Per the connection, I don't feel that it is lost, but just the opposite. I feel that more people feel my sincerity and genuineness that it does not take much courage for them to open up to me and allow a greater connection to take place. As the way vulnerable is being presented, I can understand where some would be in that mind set to gain their authentic self, they have to be vulnerable. I have never been put in that place to do so. I have a great respect now for those that do, for the fact that this assignment and speaking to others has brought this idea to light and I have a better understanding why they have the fear that they do. For me personally though, I do not feel that being vulnerable is critical to finding ones authentic self, because I've never felt that I've been in that state.
No comments:
Post a Comment